@sofiafauve_

2 years ago

I have this bittersweet relationship with him. He left my side saying that he needs to fix himself because he wants to really treasure such girl… what i didnt know that time that he was lying half way. I decided to play this song on his birthday and let him hear the lyrics. I really want the both of us to try again. But I only discovered the truth a year later that the real reason he left me is because he can’t stand his family saying bad things to the girl he values the most. “We’ll be alright. Please try again.” were the words i’ve been meaning to say to him all this time. [update, feb 20] As of now, he still avoids any conversation about us, or our past. And I don't even know if what I love now is actually 'the him' from 4 years ago. All I could do now is wait for him to actually open up because he's in this stoic, isolated, and cold energy that's why none of us can't really go inside his inner circle. But I just have a feeling (a little hope) that I need to wait a little bit more, just until he pulls himself out of his shell. Until then, I wish him happiness. :) [update, march 10] I wrote him a letter, I don't know if this is a love letter or a farewell letter in general. I'm planning to give it to him on the 19th, I'm going to risk it because it might be the last time we'll see each other in personal. In that letter, I wrote everything that I've wanted to say, I've constructed it since last year. That he doesn't owe me a reply so he doesn't need to feel pressured by it, I just simply want to let him know. Though I already expect that he might reject me even before asking him. I never really unliked him. Wait, let me rephrase that: I loved him, then stopped for a while. I began loving myself, and when I did; I came back to loving him. I've come to it that I don't need his reciprocation, I'm happy just the way things are. I'll update what his response are for that letter. There's no real bad outcome, if I didn't receive his love back, it's fine; And if I did, then I might tear up. :) [update, mar 19] I gave him the letter. I didn't give him any chance to say thank you, because I know so well that he would definitely say those words. But... knowing him, he would feel guilty reading it; even if I tried to write it as lighthearted as possible. And I don't want to recieve a "thank you" for making someone feel guilty. I am currently waiting for his reply. [last update, mar 20] 12am He finally replied. I don't feel anything. Happy, sad, melancholic, mad, nothing. I did expect this outcome for so long. Nothing's really that new. But he did indicate in his reply that, he did feel guilty and apologized for making me bottle up those feelings for so long. (I don't want for him to feel sorry, he's never at fault.) He sugarcoated. Again. Said that he can't reciprocate them but followed with "you're beautiful." So I asked him to straight up reject me. In that way, I'd stop. But he still hasn't replied with a rejection, he fell asleep at the middle of our conversation. 7:30am He finally said it. He finally rejected me. I refused to feel or hear anything while I stared at his message. However, there was a faint shattering, like if glass was falling and breaking into small pieces. The small people in my head who control my emotions appeared to be as blank as I am. I'm not numb, but I do feel empty. "I'm sorry but I can't reciprocate them anymore like how I did in the past, and there's no way I will; ever again." This sentence was read first thing in the morning. And all I could reply is, "Thank you, for rejecting me so kindly." -------- Sorry for commenting such a long story. But thank you for the people who replied and still read it otherwise. Some romances aren't supposed to end well for the time being; that your first love is always the kind of relationship that teaches you a lot. So Anj, maybe it was never about forever for us; perhaps it was more about showing us what love feels like As we await the day the one we are meant for arrives. If you ever do come across this. Thank you.

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