Originally recorded for Atwood Magazine, 2021

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Stuck
By Smoothboi Ezra

I count the steps from my house to yours
To see if my legs are longer than before
I’m glad I started wearing shoes that fit

My head is to heavy for you to cradle
Kick my shins from under the table
I was too scared of it

The worst year of your life started when you met me
You say I shouldn’t take it personally
But I can’t cry and you can’t stop
I love you but I know that you feel stuck

I’m more myself while lying on the floor
Sometimes there’s nothing to say
At least I’m not faking anymore
Oh you love me today
But something has to change
Don’t want you to feel stuck but I want you to stay

Force my tears out to look in the mirror
This is what it’d look like if I really cared
Cover up the wounds when I talk to you
Cause that’s what I always do
That’s what I always do

The worst year of your life started when you met me
You say I shouldn’t take it personally
But the smiling is fake and I’ve mastered it
And so have you, you just don’t want to admit it

Can’t tell if I love enough
I’ve never been good at this stuff
I can feel the growing resentment
But I’m too afraid to end it

Can’t tell if I love enough
I’ve never been good at this stuff
I can feel the growing resentment
But I’m too afraid to end it

Do you feel stuck?

Palm of your hand
By Smoothboi Ezra

I went cause I was lonely
Not cause I wanted to get drunk
And You didn’t wait for me
When I got there you were already fucked

I shouldn’t drink on these meds
By now I don’t think I want to catch up
Sitting back watching your friends
Throwing a dirty ping pong ball in your cup

You said you don’t want me to hate you anymore
I know I don’t cause trust me I wish I did
You don’t believe me while I hold your hair back and you’re throwing up on the floor I could’ve stayed home but why would I miss out on this

You threaten to jump again
And This time I almost let you
We talk about the end
And how I could never understand how much you’ve been through

Why do you look so smug
When you’re telling me how horrible I am
You won’t leave without a hug
And here I am in the palm of your hand

You said you don’t want me to hate you anymore
I know I don’t cause trust me I wish I did
You don’t believe me while I hold your hair back and you’re throwing up on the floor I could’ve stayed home but why would I miss out on this