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493,868 Views • Apr 3, 2017 • Click to toggle off description
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FURTHER READING
“Almost every day, with slightly dispiriting inevitability, someone in our vicinity will hurt us in some way: it could be a friend, a colleague, a child or, most likely, a partner. They’ll be neglectful about something that matters immensely to us, they’ll be – to a greater or lesser extent – unkind, thoughtless, offensive or brusque...”
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Views : 493,868
Genre: Education
Date of upload: Apr 3, 2017 ^^
Rating : 4.947 (225/16,882 LTDR)
RYD date created : 2022-03-29T09:59:22.975427Z
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YouTube Comments - 672 Comments
Top Comments of this video!! :3
My eyes are wet with tears whenever I try to complain. People around me (mainly family and really close friends since they are the only ones to whom I would complain) would then belittle my feelings or become impatient while I try to talk with my trembling voice. They would say things like "It's nothing. Get over it."; "Don't be such a baby."...
I totally understand that people are not interested in the dull details of others' daily lives. They don't mean to hurt me. But still, I am disappointed that my compassion is not reciprocated.
Now, I am a cold fury. I complain to absolute nobody to avoid humiliation or negligence. I secretly feel that my voice is not deserved to be heard and nobody would try to understand. I know it isn't true but that's just the way I feel.
But, journaling is a great way to vent. I can weep with sorrow, curse with anger, smile with joy during my writing without being judged, laughed at and rolled eyes at. Give it a try if you also find difficulty in mature complaint.
518 |
Supposed to be studying but bet id learn more from this video
1.1K |
What I've always found difficult about complaining is that it's hard to tell someone how you really feel about their behavior, even if it's in a constructive way, without them taking it as a personal assault. What's the best way to solve that?
621 |
I love how hearing things we already know can be so refreshing. It's not like we don't know that screaming doesn't help, it's not like we don't know that keeping things for ourselves will only make our feelings worse. But still everytime we hear it we think 'oh what a delightful wisdom'
People are weird.
29 |
"...can make the difference between a life of constant frustration and bitterness"
*opens door to lighting, rain, bad weather*
"and one of tolerable coexistence"
*opens door to infinite darkness*
oh, okay then.
68 |
This one hit pretty deep. I very much doubt that complaining rationally and confidently gets any better results than the "cold fury" approach most of the time. Most people that hurt you probably don't have your best interests in mind, which is why they felt fine about hurting you to begin with. Having the kind of self-confidence and self-love to complain well is probably better for us internally though.
155 |
Thank you so much for this video! I had just recently yelled at 2 of my closest friends for a passing remark because I have felt so belittled by them for so long. The video described what I did, how I felt and what I want to aspire to so accurately and gently, I feel more empowered to work a way to save my relationship with them. Thank you!
4 |
This might be the most English video the School of Life has ever made ;)
136 |
I wonder what Alain De Button had to go through in his childhood to be this sympathetic of others' problem.
66 |
more people need to watch school of life, this channel touches on important shit, being a subscriber is a blessing
2 |
recent experience taught me that reasons and compassion with 'i feel' speech are useful only when the counterpart cares. when someone simply doesn't care, it becomes win for them and lose for me.
2 |
i'm currently the happiest i've ever been in my life (although only 16) and you, the school of life, i have to largely thank for my happiness. i truely wish every person who contributes to this channel all the best. You're really making a difference in peoples lives like you have in mine. Thank you and keep it up. i give you all my love<3
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And then there is me, who uses the 2nd option, but whose memory is so bad that I forget about being angry at the person.
11 |
I'm definitely more passive aggressive. I'm very hurt these days, mostly self inflicted from making the same mistakes, and feel like I'm alone (though I know I'm not truly so). But I'm learning to be more direct when hurt and to use "I" statements. Thanks Alaine.
3 |
I deeply deeply .... just. ... from the bottom of my heart love this channel. thank u for ur work.
3 |
the timing of this video is almost uncanny
67 |
Does anyone not question their own reasons for becoming offended in the first place? My thoughts are that discomfort with what others say or do, often points to places in our psyche in need of healing... that the pain others cause us is frequently not intentional. Blaming others for how we feel is the coward's way out, and ignors a perfectly good opportunity for introspection, healing and self growth. As well failing to recognize that emotions are a self generated choice.
6 |
Saying how you feel about someone's bad behaviour relies heavily on their ability to be empathetic. But what if thr person just doesn't care how their behaviour hurts other people? What should one do?
30 |
It always amazes me not just the insightful and valuable lessons school of life teaches, but they always try new graphic styles that are so succinct and impactful it amazes me. Thank you for such great videos and keep up the amazing design, content and execution.
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@riesnatt510
7 years ago
the school of life literally teaches me what i should know about that other people dont teach.
176 |