@FairyTheGreenOne

4 years ago

Steph, I listened to your recalling of your sad experiences growing up and even to the present day and I have a few ideas that may help you. I have empathy for your situation. It is very clear that you are experiencing depression. The emptiness within can and must be filled...but not with another person or by another person. It's important to fill ourselves with self love which means filling our own life by doing things that make us happy, for example - sporting activities,(hiking, swimming, ballgames, birdwatching, camping, fishing ) artistic activities like drawing and painting, different academic courses and studies, meditating, singing, volunteering to help others less fortunate than us, writing poetry,writing stories and keeping a gratitude journal. This will help you grow into the best version of who you are. You will become who you are meant to be. Explore what life has to offer,so that you can evolve. We must also learn to listen to our gut intuition and recognise when someone oversteps our boundaries which means saying no to particular toxic and dysfunctipnal behaviours and not accepting them or those people into our lives. Setting up healthy boundaries is true self love and a way to create a healthy protective ego which is essential for your self worth and self esteem. A good, healthy ego will stop you from attracting narcissists and sociopaths. Never compromise on your healthy relationship needs and wants. When you fill up your own cup with your own life, you will be full with your own happiness and you will feel content with your own company and not be needy, or emotionally demanding or clingy /codependent, which can be destructive in a relationship. You will realise that you are enough and another person will not fulfil you but will simply add to your already full life. Expecting someone else to make you happy is a great burden for the other person. To have a healthy, sustainable relationship requires both people be happy with their own lives and have interests and pastimes and genuine friends and good memories. When your cup is full, you have every chance of meeting any number of eligible potential life long partners when you are involved in your hobby or pastime. (Remember to recognise the warning signs that you are attracting the same kind of negative partner. (When it happens walk away with your sense of self and ego intact). Stay grounded and stick to your genuine needs and wants and don't compromise, no matter how attracted you are. Say no early on and it will save you pain and suffering later. Choose wisely and recognise that some people are just not good for you . Fear of rejection and the fear of losing love means you stay in unhealthy relationships when you deserve better because you don't have enough self love. Fill up your emptiness with your own happiness. Any form of abuse is unacceptable and some is criminal. Also, it's important to forgive, to let go of anger and blame toward your family and their behaviour. Recognise they are frail, wounded people as well. Avoid self pity because it serves no purpose other than perpetuating negative, pessimistic thinking and keeping you depressed. .To forgive does not mean condoning their behaviour. It means letting go of the emotions attached to the events. There are therapies to help with your depression - NLP and EMDR both of which help to reprogram our mindset and are excellent for dealing with traumas of any kind and helping us move on with a more positive outlook . I promise you.. when you change your mind, you'll change your life. You have to be your own hero first. Then true, fulfilling love will come when you are so busy and happy and content with your own life, you won't see it coming. Keep smiling...from the heart. 🙏

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