@ducky4420

3 years ago

I sent this song to my crush 3 weeks ago. She had recently gone threw a really nasty break up and i wanted to cheer her up. I sent it to her on discord when i thought she was asleep. And out of no where i saw that she was typing. I was both exited and nervous to see what she is going to say. She responded simply with "im in tears". One week later and she asked me out. I couldn't have found a better song if i tried, thank you powfu <3. Not a part of my story but i wanted to thank you guys for being chill and liking up too 900 as of now nov 24 2021. yes we archiving this shit for yearss so feel free to come back! Edit 1 :In one week it will be 8 months. It hasn't all been good though. Personally this year has sucked 4 times more than the last and it's been hard. Diagnosed with depression and anxiety in may after feeling awful in april, then getting meds which helped some. Meds were upped and things seemed okay, saw a physiatrist and have seen a therapist on zoom once with more to come. But recently things are getting worse again and i dont even know why it just is. Things with her havent been the best either which probably isnt helping.. sometimes she gets really depressed and pushed people away including me for 2 weeks straight last month no contact at all. And now its just kinda awkward and i dont even know what we are but i still want her really really bad man. tonight im writing a message to her on discord which will hopefully clear things up and get things back like they were. Wish me luck you beautiful people <3 Edit 2 : It has been two months and oh boy have things changed. First things first, me and her are now on way better terms and talk daily. We are not together though, for now anyway. Her life became to stressful and she felt a lot of pressure in her head to always just try to be her best to me and respond really quickly to not keep me waiting even though i dont care how long she takes as long as she does respond like eventually. It's pretty much a break until she can figure some things out. And in our online relationship we dont act like all lovey dovey all the time so tbh it doesnt feel that that much different. We are talking regularly and still express how important the other person is which is good enough for me for right now. Good news first ig. So there is a lot of bad in this checkup but this does make me feel pretty exited. She got her ged at only 16 a month back and now it looking to go to college soon. That is not the good news itself but she is looking for a college within a hour of me and there is plenty. The good news is that she is about to break free. Break free from her mother and all of the endless pain she has caused for years and years. her mom was a heroine addict btw, and yeah its great that shes clean now and has been for 3 years but she still is causing a lot of addiction pain. Like calling her at 3 am saying she needs to get bailed out and then when she gets bailed out she tries to steal her new camaro that she JUST bought. so yeah.. anyways long story short emancipation exists! After some court her mom will no longer legally be her gaurdian let alone MOTHER. She has messed up real bad and is getting her mommy card yoinked for the one shes caused the most pain too. Mom will finally be out of the picture, moving to my state and going to college near me, shitttt things are actually going to get better. Which is good because in the last 2 months i have started feeling worse than i ever have. Dont worry about that though, focus on the fact that im actually going to get to meet her in just a few months instead of almost 2 years. Sorry this was so long but i love you strangers that are curious about my crazy story relating to my gf. See you guys n gals next time <3 This right below is why i feel better 2 months later nothing about gf yet skip to next paragraph if thats what youve been tracking. : ) Edit shit this is so outdated ahhh(3): for those of you that have been waiting dw i will never leave for years. Im going to just use this as kinda a blog or smth idk. Anyways yet again, a lot has changed. I cant see her for years.... uh yeahhh....So that's yk... kinda.. ok i gotta stop lol. While this is true, im actually happy about this because at 16 and a half, she has been accepted into not only Harvard but also Julliard which is a preety good music related college. We talked about it and i told her to stop worrying about me things are so much better. Not ideal 100% but nonetheless way better mentally. I'm not sure what it was but now that im 16.5, something has just clicked and now i care about my self and my body more. Ive found some amazing friends online who also smoke but are 26 and they are about to get married. The 1st two that i met in a discord server anyway they both run it together with very close friends. No one else until proven that they arent a ass or some dumb shit. And im in their discord server so yeah they heard many of stories like this and got to know me more and now were family straight up. I am like both of them even with horrible back stories and all. Doubt they will see this but either way much love to (game tags to keep privacy) inhaler and fuzzy for being the best strangers ive ever met. Its been about 2 months and yeah those two and all the other wonderful smokers in there. I get very lonely with my depression some times and to have such nice open minded older people that respect me for my mature attitude. Edit 3 gf part: we are happily back together and playing so no random reply, i am not and was not her rebound ok? Our relationship is very real and personal. I honestly can say confidentially with all my wrinkles, that we aint breaking up fr annnnyy time soon. We have stared playing again and it was really fun. She just gets me yk? She know how to make me laugh and even wheeze and vice versa. This has also help a LOT recently cuz i was started to miss her so much i almost couldn't bear it any longer. Then she was and is free to play : ). Almost forgot, Nov 20 is the day she asked be out so its our 1 year anniversary! And no, just because she took a break didnt mean we hated each other we have always been loving and only looking out for each other no matter what. So yeah thats pretty cool. It just set in how long we have been together through this long ass comment. Im happy to take yall along and i hope that it inspires other wrinkly brained people. Especially if you have depression or anxiety or both like me. That shit aint no one two punch combo, try and find some very trustworthy good people that can relate to you in any way. Hang out or play games video call just text it dont matter. Keep your head up things can get better, make sure you are trying to feel and keep whatever hope you have left. Never let go please all you wonderful people. This is literally a documentary of my and my struggles being young but ive gotten through all of the worst of it for now. I think i can keep getting better and better. Christmas and thanksgiving is coming up which is also pretty nice. I know how it feels some days where it just feels like the world or something is out to specifically screw you over all day or even multiple days weeks months years too. I will admit it, it beat the shit out of me but all that matters is that you DO get back up. If you can't, try something new maybe pick up a new hobby like i have(beatboxing btw most of the community is super nice and amazing people highly recommend especially if you like bass and nice slow singing beats or harder bass drop type beats) If youre bored and lonely like i was, take that free time to practice something for YOU because it will feel rewarding and maybe you can even show it off to people? i swear this gets longer every time again sorry but if youre this deep i feel like you have to be invested lmao i rant too much. Sorry i was late! Next new big thing ill try and remember to update. Until then, this is ducky signing out much love <3 and cheers to my fellow smokers(bud not cigs) this hit for you guys <3. Like i said dw ill always be back and not like years later. byee :,( idk why but yt doesnt like it when i have edit 4 in here so im just going to respond to myself for those that have gotten this far. yt will not stop me from updating yall No i did not forget about yall next update coming in the next 20 days (before june) its been confusing and terrifying at points that i will get into via the next update. I just turned 17 btw if anyone cares 5/10 bye for now i'll see ya soon <3 Edit 5: I’m very late so sorry about that. Unfortunately there’s no good news this edit. I haven’t heard from her since april 3rd this year at all. No rhyme or reason just gone. For context, she was taking a week off from college for mental health and so we could play some games. She asked if i wanted to get on which i did but then insisted the next day would be better. She did have a whole week after all so no big deal. I messaged her the next day to no response. I messaged again the next day and the next so on. Nothing at all. May 9th rolls around and it’s her birthday so of course i try and get in touch with her and wish her well on her b-day. Still nothing but a sour feeling in my stomach wondering what the hell was going on. The next day was my birthday which i got to spend alone and mainly focus on her or rather the absence of her. From then to now I’ve still sent a few messages hoping that one of these times ill see her respond. In other news my moms business has been shutdown, she’s out of a job, and we have to move to a way smaller home. So yeah that’s where I’m at again sorry for being late af with this. I’m not moving on if you’re curious that is set in stone. Hope y’all have a nice 4th of july if in the states. Hoping that by the time i come back here there’s good news but i really dont know. 💚

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