A MESSAGE FROM OUR SECRET SANTA.

Christmas can be hard for so many people. I share this email exchange for those of you looking for some hope. I have removed many personal details and am calling the email sender "Julie."

Dear Mr. Eaton,

From the bottom of my heart, I want to thank you so much for the Secret Santa series that I have watched and enjoyed during the past two holiday seasons. I am now completely addicted and look forward to them every day.
Several years ago, my grandma had a fall and broke her hip. She was a stubborn lady, and it was very hard to get her to participate in physical therapy and partake in the things she once enjoyed. I visited her almost every day. One Christmas Eve, I came by and asked her to come ride around with me to see Christmas lights. We did that every year. She said she was tired. Normally I would have pushed her to do it because she needed the encouragement, but I was tired too. I went home to sleep. Grandma went upstairs and died.
It is my fault that my grandma died. If I would’ve been more insistent on going to see Christmas lights, maybe she would’ve started to die and I could’ve helped save her. Why didn’t I stay with her that night? Why did I go home?
I don’t like Christmas anymore. I don’t even like living anymore. My grandma was my last person. I am all alone now all the time. It would be so much easier to just give up, but suicide is against my religion. So, I will stay on this earth as long as I have to.
Christmas lights hurt my heart. When someone says “Merry Christmas”, it hurts my heart. Having the day off from work hurts my heart. But somehow, someway, Secret Santa has become an exception. I smile with you and with them. I laugh with them. I cry with them. This completely broken woman now has something of a Christmas tradition, thanks to you and East Idaho News. THANK YOU.
Merry Christmas to you and your dear family. May the Lord bless you all richly.
Sincerely,
Julie
RESPONSE FROM SECRET SANTA:
Dear Julie,
Nate forwarded me your email to him. I am so sad about what happened to your grandma. Certainly, you must know that you are not responsible for her death. It is normal for us, when we lose a loved one, to ask ourselves what we could have done differently. But it's important that we do not get sucked into that bottomless pit. You did what any loving grandchild would have done. You let your grandmother rest as she requested. You did the right thing. She would not want you to carry this burden.
So, for your grandmother's sake, and for your own sake, please give yourself the gift of forgiveness this Christmas. Remember the times that you took your grandmother out on Christmas Eve. You would have taken her that night, but she asked for rest. Remember the many great memories that you had with your grandmother. That is what she would want. Do that for her. And for yourself.
I fully believe that you will be in her arms again someday and she will be in your arms as well. But while you're on this earth, you deserve to be happy. I'm thrilled that Nate's videos and my gifts to all these amazing people have lifted you up. If I were there with you, I would embrace you. Clearly, you need a hug. So… please, consider yourself hugged from me and from everyone at East Idaho News.
We love you for the love that you had for your grandma. Clearly, you are a good person with a good heart.
Please know as we celebrate the lives of all of these good people, we are also celebrating your life. Please have peace in your heart. And please have a good Christmas knowing that we all love you!
Thanks for tuning in!
Love,
Secret Santa