Views : 170,968
Genre: Education
Date of upload: Mar 26, 2023 ^^
Rating : 4.998 (4/8,152 LTDR)
RYD date created : 2024-05-08T00:51:36.447513Z
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Top Comments of this video!! :3
I recently discovered I have an anxious attachment style and I am addressing this issue now in therapy. Current long distance (avoidant) boyfriend started to behave exactly like my ex (also LDR) did. At first I thought, omg, I have a type. Then I realized that two completely different guys cannot be the problem, it must be something I do and then men react in a specific way. You know what they say, if you go somewhere and it smells like s**t, leave. But if it smells like s**t everywhere you go - check your shoe. Your videos helped me to realize and address that.
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Thank you so much Margarita. I never thought I was anxiously attached until I’ve started living with my husband who is extremely avoidant. His distance and coldness which I didn’t see when we were dating (and not sharing a flat) because we saw each other once a week and he was very engaged. Once we shared a space. Boom! The lack of attention and care sent me through a massive spiral. I’ve been starved emotionally and sexually. Now we have two small kids and I often feel like we’re more of coworkers than a couple. I hate it.
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I’m stuck in this now. It’s really a struggle. It’s not my first rodeo either I somehow usually always end up in this dynamic. It’s challenging and idk if we can make it. I think avoidants can at times have beautiful traits but their distancing and self sabotaging behaviors really destroy the good times. It’s really sad truthfully. I’ve come a long way with managing my anxiety on my own but they tend to push your limits where you just shut down and want to leave as you become more secure. There’s only so much someone can take. It’s about 2 people
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You have no idea how much you have helped me through this month! I have binged watched a lot of your videos and they have really inspired me to take a look at myself. I can see my anxious attachment so clearly now…I’ve literally cringed when I think of my past behavior. Thank you for showing me that there is hope ❤
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After a few years of dating my ex, while running my own business, doing my own renovations and having the anxious avoidant constantly having issues I was supposed to support while flip flopping in and out, I had enough. The last and final time he asked for space, again, during one of the few times I needed a hand, as usual, I left him to have all the space in the world. I dont need flaky people around accusing me of being anxious when Im more then confident in myself. Why should I be a good supportive friend when there is no equal give and take. If thats being needy or controlling in his mind, well cool beans then. Ah peace and quiet. Drama free 2023.
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My life moves with grace.
I use my intuition wisely.
I see connections and the deeper truths.
All that I need is within me.
I dwell in the state of presence.
I am a timeless, eternal being,
connected to the wisdom of the Universe.
I see challenges in my life with great clarity.
I learn from the challenges in my life,
they are spiritual lessons.
I love and accept myself.
I open myself to insights and clarity.
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My husband is the anxious attached one. I'm the avoidant one. I feel suffocated most of the time. He calls me 100 times a day and tells me he loves me every second he gets. If I ask for space he suddenly becomes sick. It started very early in our relationship and friends always said to me I'm lucky to have a guy who adores me that much. They made me feel like I was ungrateful for not wanting him by my side every second of everyday. But now I'm feeling overwhelmed and frustrated.
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I absolutely agree. I realized just recently that my last relationship made me gradually heal from my anxious attachment style. I went from shaking during arguments due to the fear of being abandoned, and the partner getting tired of me, to standing up for myself and realizing that this relationship was not something that I wanted. Maybe I was scared of being lonely. So, at the end, I broke up with them. This was unthinkable for my past self, since I always thought that I needed that person by my side. It took me some time, but I noticed that as months went by, the arguments were getting more and more intense because I would not put up with their behaviour... then, I reached my limit. The fear of abandonment was replaced by a question, which was "is this how a relationship should be? am i better off alone?"
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I'm an avoidant attacher and I partially disagree Margarita. For me it's more of a feeling of being "in-adequate" myself a lot of times. Insecurities. Feeling like I'm "too much" for ppl. Or annoying. Or not perfect enough, because I was striving to be perfect myself in childhood, since I didn't get the attention and love I wanted. Also never asked for it! Found ways of fulfilling my needs myself. But not because we prefer doing so!! But because asking for smth is perceived as burdening someone. And I never wanna "burden" someone. That's how an avoidant operates mainly from my perspective and not because I don't want someone close to me. quiet the opposite. the cravings are at times so strong and yet the distorted ego self is coming up with these BS reasons why I'm not loveable enough. Though I know it's a damn lie in my head!!
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@ceylonmeetsmusic
1 year ago
29 years old guy here: I've stumbled on your channel 2 weeks ago and feel like I've already learned so much from you. You telling (in another video) about how you used to be anxiously attached and have gotten better now, gives me hope, that I can do, too. You're basically like a big sister I wish I had in my life to seek advice from. :)
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