@EmEm78

1 year ago

I've had an extremely out of character, unexpected and overwhelming urge to unalive myself - in spite of having two very young sons whom I adored and depended entirely on me, and me only. It was my first day on a new psych med - a mood stabiliser for what turned out to be a misdiagnosis of bipolar II. It hit me fast and out of nowhere, and in that moment I truly believed with every fibre of my being that everyone would be better off without me. It's terrifying to think back on many years later, how the idea of death was so incredibly seductive and all consuming. Thank god or angels or something, but I had the tiniest thought in the back of my head that this was not me, was not how I should feel, and I somehow found the clarity to pick up my phone and Google my new meds. I immediately found that suicidal ideation was a common side effect, and called for help. It was an emergency, I cannot express how hard and fast these ideations hit and how all encompassing they were. I am so incredibly grateful that I somehow survived this experience, and so devastated that so many have not survived it. Someone close to me lost her husband to it after a doctor brushed off his pleas. Chris's death hit hard, I was a child of the 90s who adored him and Soundgarden, and it kills me that such a talented and incredible soul was lost to us in this way. I hope he is at peace.

70 |