@GR8WHITEC5

5 years ago

This is the only song that moved my heartless emotions when I lost my Mom just two weeks before I would fly home to surprise her for her birthday. i was so angry that I hated everyone, to include God. And then I realized that God kept her alive for just enough time so I could fly home the next evening on an emergency flight bump 2,000 miles away, travel two hours by car, get to the hospital, and hold her warm hand nearly 20 hours later. My Mom could not open her eyes, but she let me know she could hear my voice. I was crying hysterically and felt so guilty because I heavily weighed going home to surprise her for Mother's Day instead of her Birthday three weeks later, which was also one week before she went into the emergency room. Regardless of my decisions that would affect my life forever, my Mom kept asking me to "Come home Son", and I kept making excuses. See, I was in the Army for 28 years. And she said "The Army's changed you Son. I don't even know who you are anymore. Get out of the Army and come home." So I submitted my retirement papers to "come home." But God had other plans for my Mom because before she passed away, she'd been asking me for the last 5 years to "Come home" and I kept making excuses. And finally, when I had enough - I was coming home. But it wasn't for the right reasons; it was out of selfish reasons. And so God said "Enough waiting. I've given you 5 long years to come home. It's now time I am taking your Mother home to Me." And so when I received the call that she went into the emergency room and that "It was not good" I was so angry. I cried all the way home; to the airport, on the plane, in the rental car, and at the hospital. Begging God to hear me and not take my Mother from me. That I was sorry I didn't come home sooner. But my tears and pleas were just not enough for God. As I held my Mother's hand and told her I was by her side, I told her I loved her and I was sorry I didn't come home sooner. Just a few hours later, God was gentle to my suffering and took my Mom home during the only time I stepped out of the emergency room since my arrival; when I stepped out to use the bathroom. I thought it was a cruel joke at first, but then realized my overwhelming feeling of calm when I returned from the bathroom just 3 or 4 minutes later. When I stepped back into the emergency room and saw my Mom laying there peacefully, not knowing, I said to my Sister "Mom looks good." And at that moment, my Sister turned around and had tears in her eyes.... She said "Mom's gone. I tried to call for you. It happened as soon as you stepped out." I broke down crying so hard. Again I was so angry that God could do this to me during the few sparing moments I stepped out. But then, I realized something..... God knows everything. See, no one knew what I told myself many years earlier that "if Mom ever passed away in my presence, I would perform CPR and try to revive her" (even though she had a NO RESUSCITATION order). God knew this. And so, he had me leave her side for the few moments he needed to take Mom home to His side. At first I didn't even get to say Goodbye. But under the duress, my Sister said "No. You said "Mom, I have to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back." Then my Sister reminded me "Then you kissed Mom on the forehead and said "I love you." And that was it. God had said "No more waiting. No more delays. The time is now." And God allowed me those prescious few moments and words by my Mother's side in Her last moments. And although I still have alot of anger, this song helps to remind me that God is good. And when I listen to these words, I cry out alot of my anger. It's been almost 3 years now with her annivery coming up May 17th and I still cry like I am standing by her side in the hospital emergency room. But time heals all wounds. And I am still healing. Please, if this testimony remotely touched you and you have delayed going home for whatever reasons..... make amends before it's too late. We only have one life. One Mother. One Father. One chance to "make it right." Don't be like me; making excuses my whole life. I regret every minute of it. And there is absolutely nothing I can do to change the past; but I can change the future. God bless.

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