@ainz_lethal7773

1 year ago

I finally came to adress the elephant and ask myself the question right after finishing, instead of rushing to self hatred and post nut clarity regret attack, I asked myself, why was I willingly doing something I hate doing, after dozens if not hundred of times, wasn't the choice to stopping sincere, how much is it going to take me to just, not just stop, but not consider doing this to myself, I hated this hypocrite cycle of failure, and that's it, failure is meant to be learnt from, not to be ashamed of, only angels don't make mistakes, and that's where it clicked, I never tried to look where I emotionally needed help instead of beating myself because of how indesciplined I was, I realised something, I don't go out with friends, don't socialize, don't have something going on or hope to something, I was basically emotionally deprived, and its interesting how everytime I jumped to this habit, was after a certain sense of loneliness, That I unconsiously I wanted to escape asap from, and what could be better than hijacking the most instantly rewarding system, that's it, I came to adress it, it was a coping method for me to numb my helplesness with life, you're probrably seeing things through a blurred lense, listen to your body, urges only mean that you're a functioning as a man, but uncontrollably responding to them, means you're emotionally in need.

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