@MichelleCox.Mindset

3 months ago

Fascinating and thorough discussion on pain! Thank you! You almost discussed labor ... Haha. This is one of the experiences of my life that I find most important when it comes to learning about physical pain. My mother delivered my younger brother at home when I was 3 years old. I watched her endure it with strength, dignity and calm, but also perceived she was experiencing great pain. I also witnessed the euphoria of holding her new baby for the first time. After that, my older sister (2 years older) and I frequently reenacted childbirth whenever we played "house." It always concluded with repeating my mom's exclamations of joy: "My baby! My precious baby! Oh, my baby!" I later grew up and delivered 6 babies of my own without any pain medication because that was what I had witnessed as a young child. I grew up believing epidurals were not needed. When I experienced labor pains for the first time, I was shocked! It was deep, burning, relentless pain. As my husband drove me to the hospital, I decided that this was too much for me and I needed an epidural, but by the time we arrived, it was nearly time to deliver! So, I had to rely on my own inner dialog to help me stay calm and not panic. With my eyes closed, I chanted in my head: Breathe slowly, you can do this, breathe breathe breathe. I stayed in control, despite some rising panic towards the moment of delivery. But, I did it! My son arrived safely. A friend asked me the next day if I thought I'd do it again without pain meds and I admitted, I wasn't sure. But, when it came time to deliver my other babies, I referred to my mother and to my previous experiences: an epidural in a safe delivery was not really necessary. So, I forged ahead and relied on my inner dialog and calming breathing. All 6 of my births were quite different experiences. The first one was very quick, as I already related. The second one was also quick, but I paced the room like a angry, caged tiger and didn't want anyone touching me until it was time to climb into the bed and deliver my 2nd son. My 3rd son came when the hospital was too busy to give me a room. I felt panicked that I might deliver in the lobby or then in the triage holding cubicle, so labor stopped. When I finally had a room, it took a while for it to resume, and then I needed lots of touch, long slow strokes down my arms and my head, as a calming and reassuring measure. These first 3 babies were delivered by nurse midwives who had nothing but encouragement to trust my body and trust the process. They were amazing and I felt so confident! My 4th son was delivered by a regular OBGYN because we'd moved to a small city by then and there were no midwives. I was pressured into having an induction because I was overdue. The doctor used scare tactics (the baby is too big, it's dangerous to go overdue, the placenta starts to break down, I know what happens...) and emphatically drew the line on 3 days past my due date (highly ridiculous). I wasn't permitted any of the freedom my midwives had provided during labor, I felt stifled and powerless. He broke my water without my permission when he checked me early in the labor phase, saying it would be about 6 more hours til birth. The pain that followed was absolutely horrible and far worse than anything I'd experienced naturally! But that boy came in 45 minutes. No one assisted me. The nurse had run to get the doctor, my husband was running between my bedside and the doorway. I didn't care who was or wasn't in the room, that baby was coming out NOW. He was born onto the bed. My 5th child was a girl (different doctor). I opted for induction so that my mother could be with me since she was visiting from overseas. (Previously, I'd gone into labor a few weeks premature while my husband was across the country at his dad's funeral -- but, even after being admitted to the hospital and progressing, labor stopped completely and I was discharged the next morning, though I had come to a moment of resignation that I would bravely deliver without him, like my pioneer mother ancestors, who had delivered in covered wagons and under trees, because at least I was in a clean hospital with a friend!) We had a very peaceful and strong labor, but transition came on like a nightmare, I very nearly couldn't keep myself from panicking even with my internal mantras. Honestly, after she was born, I could barely look at her or hold her for a bit. My feelings were hurt. I asked God if it really had to be THAT hard. I don't think it would've been naturally. Again, the induction medication process makes for a very unnatural experience in the body that is overwhelmingly painful. My 6th child, and 5th boy, came 10 days early. It was a difficult labor (I was just about to turn 38 -- I'd had babies over a 14 year span) but my inner dialog kept me grounded and mentally pacing. "You can do this, one at a time, one contraction at a time, it's ok it's ok it's ok it's ok, you can do this..." I marvel at the power of the inner dialog. Not necessarily to reduce pain, but to carry on through it. I learned that relaxing and leaning into the pain let the muscles ease and allow dilation, rather than holding back and tensing up and fearing it. It feels counterintuitive to what the primal brain wants to do, but that's the key. I think it's the key to all pain. Allow it, embrace it as a teacher and a guide, learn from it, relax into it and then it will pass.

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