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141,358 Views • Nov 4, 2020 • Click to toggle off description
This is one example of how the intimate partner is indispensable in regulating the narcissist’s internal mental space: she is his ego AND self!!!
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Views : 141,358
Genre: People & Blogs
Date of upload: Nov 4, 2020 ^^
Rating : 4.888 (115/3,976 LTDR)
RYD date created : 2022-01-20T04:13:17.948442Z
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YouTube Comments - 316 Comments
Top Comments of this video!! :3
... and I had been married to such a creation of a narcissist for 12 years! This is hard to endure.
For me listening to Sam Vaknin is like doing a puzzle. All the fragments and pieces which I have not understood for so long are coming together and forming a picture wich is indeed disturbing and frightening to look at but in the other hand it helps me to heal. Now I have an idea on how to work on myself !! I would never and will never ever be a shared fantasy of a narcisisst!!
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The narc I knew told me once he wasn't attracted to men or women during the period when he completely withdrew sex from the situationship we had and I would ask a millions questions trying to understand what was happening. And since he kept his body looking like he was a calvin klein model and his body fat percentage and muscle growth is the most important thing in his life, when I asked him why put in so much effort to look so good if he didn't even want sex, he responded it was because he liked for other people to want him and for him to never give it to them, he couldn't even say it was for his partner to want him... And everytime I had sex with him I did feel like he was just masturbating with my body, he was never interested in my body as male would have been he would perform the learned steps to get to use me for what he wanted to get at that moment, and then he would always want to turn the lights off or closed his eyes, in 4 years I would always wonder why I never felt like he was making love with me and now I don't even remember what that feels like but I know I knew the difference at the beginning with him. The sexual issue is what made me understand that he indeed had NPD. Because what "normal" heterosexual male behaves like this?. I felt completely undesirable and I am def. Very mentally affected from that now and I myself was going to the gym 7 times a week and tanning and keeping up with appearance more than anything to be desirable for the narcissist but nothing ever worked he was always just interested in me coming over and admiring him.
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Thank you, Sam. I was with the same man for 33 years, only on my own for 3 months. You are helping me very much
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Oh my gosh, yes. Power battle with the false self of the Narcissist.
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As the wife of a narcissist, I totally agree with his analysis of the experience of sex with a narcissist. Thank you for articulating it so concisely and clearly. It’s validating to hear that this is a ‘thing’, and to understand the rational behind this horrible empty, soiled feeling that this kind of intimacy-less sex provokes.
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Once he wrote in English on a steamy mirror after shower "I love you" (we both are Russians) just before I went to the bathroom. I had nearly took it as addressed to me. Now, thanks to Sam, I have no doubt that it was his moment of self-admiration.
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Virtual reality seems to be the norm for narcs. They put on their invisible VR glasses, and enter into this more vivid realm, new fantastical world. Then they know the new partner doesn't have their own VR glasses, so they have to work to draw them into it. Love bombing. Future promising fabulousness. They describe that beautiful new life so elaborately, you want it, too. Though you are rooted in reality, you close your eyes, following blindly to see if you can also dream so big. It's too good to not at least attempt this wonderful new life. But you get in there, then naturally open your eyes and see blackness. Their heart. It's dark, Dull, damp, dank. You want out. You can't see the exit. There's no light. Eventually you retrace your steps to how you got there. You're blindly going back to using your instincts, gut feelings, and know you can only trust you to get untangled from this fantastical imaginary place. I am free after 30 years. The narc went back to the woman he lived with just prior to our meeting. After 30 years, I guess she'd forgotten her experience in his dream. He's love bombing her, and telling my children he's in love. 🤦🏼♀️
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This puts so much into perspective and now I understand why it always seems like he is competition with me for some reason
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Fucked up beyond all recognition
27 |
I was his reflection. He didn't like looking in actual mirrors. Now I feel like he was " wearing " me. Gives new meaning to " I've got you under my skin ". Thank you, Sam Vaknin, for years of teaching me valuable lessons.
83 |
The part where you explain the sexuality of a narcissist and how he transforms himself into a female at one point so he can have sex with himself ... 🤯... fascinating. Knowing this now, it validates and helps make sense of some things from my experience
93 |
I've literally started recording my ex narc because he would come up with such crazy things that never happened and of course I was to blame for his terrible behavior. I have found all of Pro. Vaknin's lectures on narcissism to be so helpful in my healing process!
39 |
I was raised by healthy parents and have a healthy husband. One year ago I left my ideal job of 3 years when the narcissist trio brown noses took over. Six of eight of my team left. I was the last to leave what was described as dark, toxic. Shocking that I am still on YouTube learning about these mean people one year later. Took me 6 months to get my energy back after 6 months of abuse. Then 6 more months to feel full joy, confident and myself.
18 |
This all makes so much sense, but it disturbs me to my core. 😖
13 |
And you become like zombie in reality because one big part of you lives in that shared fantasy,but you can feel that you are now even physically depleted and you're going down...
80 |
If you stay in the long circular argument long enough, it becomes very clear they are arguing with not you!!
17 |
Oh my god! I told him that he seemed to turn himself on.. he would only look at himself. Its still all coming together...
53 |
I can’t express how beneficial this is to me.
10 |
Why does everybody refer to their ex as "my narc"? I have never felt that way about my ex. He has always been "it" or "that guy". After I was discarded, I never said his name again and in a way he doesn't have a name anymore. I didn't even realize that during healing, I turned him into an object. And that's all he deserves. I'm not judging. I was just wondering why people make it more personal by referring to them that way.
31 |
@Lisa-jp1zf
3 years ago
When I told him “ I love you “ he said “ I love me too “ guess I should have believed him.
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