@vladkuznietsov2536

4 months ago

And here I see you, Mom. As a grown child, I find it very hard to find a female accomplice like you. Basic psychology. You made it hard for me, but I don’t blame you. I love you, yet I feel it’s beyond me to find someone who can equally converse with me now that I’ve passed my 20s and turned 30. The beautiful faces I’m drawn to are often empty inside, speaking only arrogance and selfishness. They admire me because I foolishly shared what it means to be a true Wonder Woman, along with the standards and transcendence it requires. After many years, I realized you taught me the skill of oratory and how easy it is to talk to everyone. I feel like an empty vessel after I’m done talking because they never fill up. I ask myself, why blame the clown for acting like a clown when I am the first to buy a ticket to the circus? Do I really need the appreciation of others? You never sought it. People these days are not humbled; they only listen and struggle to accept obvious things to continue the conversation. Adding to it, I came to a point where weakness is disgusting to me, so I’ll keep improving every single day, whether it’s at the gym or sitting at home reading a science journal. The last thing I want is to disrespect your name and the honor you instilled in me. You made me like this, with all your stories and the silence you kept when I was doing wrong, looking into my eyes as if they were talking to me. You always saw fire in me and the passion I have when I get involved in something. Despite your teachings on how to control it, I never wanted to master it. “Who are they to me, so I have to restrain myself?” I asked in my arrogance and low intelligence. Today, I finally understand why it was good for me to achieve that as early as possible. The fire is burning me from inside through the worst form of loneliness that can exist, so I chose to focus on achievements and things that cannot be seen with eyes. In my 20s, I discovered how destructive it can be without proper mentorship for a young one. Guess what, there are many young people who enjoy having me as a mentor. I am not calm and hopefully never will be. As a man, I turned into, I can only be stopped if I have to sacrifice myself, or I’ll die because the body won’t be capable of carrying it on. I became restrained and observant. This is the result of every time I saw your straight posture, calm look, and high chin. No wonder many wealthy men sought your counsel, feeling privileged if you allowed them to pay for dinner, though you never accepted the invitation. It’s a wonder, and I’d say even childish, that everywhere I go, I try to find your soul and talk to it, but no, this world is incomplete. Even across the ocean, I feel blessed seeing you alive, beautiful, and smiling at 52. An independent mother and a happy wife, as always, Olga.

111 |