@nathanaeldavenport2251

1 month ago

I spent a lifetime as a Mormon, and renounced it when I was in my early 40s. It wouldn’t be fair for me to say that I received nothing of value from my participation in it. But what I didn’t fully understand until I left, is that I never needed any supernatural pretext to live a virtuous life… and not only that, my ability to be a good person was hampered by the way my religion conflated righteousness with cultural protectionism. It encouraged more preoccupation with the way I spoke, what I drank, the way I dressed, who I associated with… than being a true friend to everybody. And those thought patterns are still difficult to cast aside… as in, it’s difficult not just to be the inverse of what I was. I’ve heard of people who have left my faith, became self-described atheists, and who have come back to the faith. The common theme I notice in all of their stories is that they never found peace in unbelief. I get that. It’s hard to not have that anesthetizing belief to soften the edges of the harsh realities of an inherently meaningless existence, especially after having it for all of your life. That was me. I ultimately found my peace in defining my own meaning. I live, I can feel pain and pleasure, I can love and loathe; and most of all, I’m relieved of the burden of searching for ultimate meaning. It’s such a rest. Life has become a lot more precious to me now that I am convinced that this is the only life I have. And my self loathing at the hands of an incoherent doctrine that creates a problem and offers the solution in a single package, is no longer a part of my life. Even my marriage to a believer has become sweeter overall, though not without its difficult moments. But it’s taught us both radical acceptance… the kind that, if practiced in a widespread way, would eliminate so much unnecessary suffering in the world. For me… I am better off in every way without religion.

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