@frankfurhter

6 months ago

I'm watching this video in retrospect of my first foray into dating. My first girlfriend, as much as I loved and respect her, was someone who was very stuck in her own past and often refused to help herself. Pretty much every conversation we had eventually became her chance to shittalk her exes and people in her family, and I often had to deal with her complaining about her stalkers and refusing to do anything about them. She dug her own holes and then got upset that she forgot a ladder. We were also MUCH too similar, to the point where a lot of the time she knew way more about my interests than I did. Our conversatioms were fun, yes, but I rarely ended up learning anything new. Because of her past problems, she was very afraid of intimacy. She would always talk about doing things with me, but when we went out together, she shied away from physical contact, which is my love language. I understood why she was like this (I was apparently the first person she dated who wasn't a piece of shit) but I still couldn't help but feel like I was doing something wrong. I have autism, so I struggle with communication, but I tried to make my intentions as clear as possible and yet it never seemed to change much. She would always hold me at arm's reach. I walked her home every other day but even then, she'd leave me at a street corner and never let me come over or even know where she lived. We were together for 6 months. We broke up a couple of months ago. Every time I would mention my issues with her, she would deflect them back onto me and say I simply wasn't trying hard enough. She had a friend in her ear lying about me and trying to convince her that I wasn't worth it, and that, combined with the fact that I get sick and sleep a lot, led to her distrusting me way more than she had any reason to. We both decided that it was our best option to separate but remain friends, and to this day we're still close pals. She claims to still be obsessed with me and wants me to try again because she knows better now, but nothing could repair the fact that I simply just didn't feel that way anymore. I've been talking to another girl, someone who I feel matches the energy that I need to balance out my own. Not someone identical to me, someone who I can still learn more from, but not someone so far detached from my interests. I'm a fairly shy, submissive guy, so in order to balance that out, I'm in need of a more confident woman, and I feel like I've found one this time around. If anyone sees this, please wish me luck, and thank you for reading. Have a great day, whereever you are.

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