@sunnwoii2880

3 years ago

pov : “but when she loves me, i feel like i’m floating” “aw, you're so cute when you’re like that!” your crush said with glee, her hands gently squeezing at your cheeks exactly like your grandmother when you used to visit her as a kid. your crush had hands that were thin yet delicate, them being very royal. just finishing up the ice cream your crush so generously paid for you, a bit of the said food smeared across your cheek. always being a messy eater, you kept to your habits. the sweet substance soon was wiped away from your crush’s touch as she pinched your cheeks while cleaning. the touch was loving yet warm. benign yet caring. affectionate yet welcoming. you still sulked as “cute” wasn’t the preferred type of way to be called. it first reminded you of you being praised for your looks as a child as you grew out of that. plus it was your crush, and you would never want to imagine your crush as your grandma. the sunday afternoon you spent with the girl before you, and every minute was just another chance to hope for your crush to become more and more intimate with you. the girl you were so hardly crushing for, never really was direct with her feelings. it was so annoying since you had fallen head over heels for her, so when not giving a valid source of love was so frustrating. yet you appreciated the little moments of affection she would give you, savoring that moment as if it was the last meal of food that you had. finishing the cone off with another bite, the girl scrunched her nose slightly from your cuteness, her admiring your face being slightly messy. she examined every feature of you and loved it with all her heart. all the actions of love made you almost fly to the moon with how much it boosted your energy. just feeling like floating, the little movements meant the whole goddamn world for you. but now the dying question was raised; was it all in a friend type of way? “when she calls me pretty i feel like somebody” “girl, i swear, you look smoking hot” the girl said to you while you tried to fix yourself in the mirror of the girls public bathroom. women upon women came in and out of the room to wash up, them coming in all different sizes. the frat party you and your crush were invited to had a public bathroom, for both men and women. your crush whispered in your ear while in the party, booming lights blinding you. the loud hip-hop music was all you heard, it being a miracle that your ears worked enough to hear the small voice of your crush. the sound was gentle and soothing, a nice contrast to the hard rap that was being blasted through the speakers. “come to the bathroom with me?” the girl said in your ear while covering it with one of her hands, her voice barely touching the bottom of your ear as you were much taller than her. in a way, it was cute, both of you looking like you were already a couple. happily agreeing, you wanted to get out of the party for a few minutes since all the heavy commotion was too much for you. shifting away from the colored lights the party held, your crush led you into the girls bathroom with a grin. she pulled you with only her hand, you fully entrusting her with her being your eyes. you trusted her to such an extent since she was one of your closest friends, but wow would you take every fighting chance to be more than that. but of course, there comes sexuality, riding upon this ride of confusing love. would you even know if she was lesbian? or even into girls in general? the questions kept on popping up the more and more you fell into this hole of love. you never had to actually go to the bathroom, but you just needed an actual excuse to get away from all the terrible fuckboys that preyed on all the girls. they disgusted you to death, your face always contorting into a face of aversion. your crush then happily secluded themselves into one of the open stalls, her sending a sheepish wave with her fingers your way as she closed the door. sitting back to wait, you looked at yourself in the mirror, some insecurities coming in. always insecure about certain parts of your body, you tried to shout out every small thing that you despised. it could even be the most careless thing like a strand of hair, but you would always have a way to hate on it. all the way from middle school to now did that way of thinking always stick. despite how horrible the thinking was, you could never grow out of that mindset. but your crush was always in for the rescue. “girl, stop worrying too much, you look drop dead gorgeous” the girl said with a slight smirk, her left end of her lips crooking up slightly. she had low hooded eyes that stared at you in the mirror, as she just got out of the bathroom. still clutching onto the small purse she carried along to this party. she too fixed herself up a bit in the mirror, the hem of her dress being pulled down by the tips of her fingers. she then fixed her makeup slightly, her giving you looks of reassurance through the mirror occasionally. and well for you, you weren’t moving. not only did she call you pretty, but you felt valid. like you were important in her life and without you, she could never function. almost like a girlfriend. “even when we fade eventually to nothing” “YOUR GOING TO CALIFORNIA?! I’M GOING TO NEW YORK FOR COLLEGE!” your crush said with such disappointment, the two of you being inseparable since the 2nd grade. you both were just finishing the day off of your final exams for high school, you both around this time getting the college submissions back. around this time, all the colleges applied for would be accepting or rejecting students and students should have already picked what college they would study for. you picked one in the sunny rays of california, it being known for the colleges of creativity. as for your crush, she was going to new york for her math degree in NYU. sadly, that led to departure. and so, suitcases after suitcases did the two of you pack, each one being harder to pack because of how the two would be miles away. both would be across a country, and depressingly enough, this was the first time you two had been separated for such a long distance. you guys lived close enough for walking, and even your parents were so close to a point where you both did trips together. so leaving, even with you being in close contact, was such a heartbreaking event. love added a whole new layer as well, making you hate yourself too. you didn’t confess, and well, it was too late now. “don’t forget to call me every night, okay? now, you’ll be late, i’ll miss you!!” your crush said with such saddened eyes as your flight was the first one to take off. both of you even being in the airport showed how attached you both were, and all you could do was watch your loved one slip away like sand. hugging her for the last time, you smelled her familiar scent, it being a classic that she always wore. it was one from a bathing store, the scent being strong in such a pleasing way. the hints of vanilla with an overall scent of flowers filled your nose as you interlocked arms with her. the scent drowned your nose, you always wanting to smell every bit of it. but the scent soon faded away with every step you took, getting closer and closer to the gate that boarded your plane. “you will always be my favorite form of loving” “and that’s most of the clothes i got from the clothing store nearby, and it only cost me around 30$!” the girl said in your phone as you just admired all the luxurious items she bought while in new york. she showed off most of her dorm, and how she organized it. all of the decoration she would explain, and did you soak up every bit. smiling gently in the camera, you could stare at her for hours and never get bored. not caring about if she noticed you or not, you would just be in your own fantasy staring at her facial gestures. seeing her animated expressions all just gave you life. that cute chuckle she would make when you had a mishap happen to you over the phone. or when she would laugh hysterically like a donkey when you cracked a joke about her worrying collection of different notepads. all the little moments, all the minutes, and all the seconds. “and wow, i’m still in love with you”

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