@devonmoats3629

3 years ago

this song was literally my life for 6 years, being addicted to heroin/fentanyl. Hurting so many people that I loved the most.. all for a temporary high that left me crashing down deeper and deeper into a dark hole filled with chaos and turmoil. I was once in love with the darkness, the madness of my life in active addiction. It took me losing two good friends each to an overdose, having multiple sugar daddies who I lied to and manipulated and used to support my habit, spending anywhere from $500 to LITERALLY 5,000 dollars in a MONTH?! Not having spoke to my entire family for over 2 years and none of them not knowing where I was or if I was even alive.. my family having an empty seat for me at thanksgiving, presents left untouched for me during Christmas. My parents having to explain to everyone, “Where’s Devon?” when they didn’t even know themselves. I spent those holidays alone, having to make a 4 hour drive every.single.day to get my drugs. Being so sick, needing to pull over along side of the interstate multiple times to throw up because I was withdrawing so badly, even throwing up all over myself.. the inside of my car because I was rushing to meet my dealer. Yet once getting my shit I felt like I was walking on a rainbow, invincible, untouchable, true perfection. But reality I was walking through a nightmare, weak, and fragile, truly broken. My life turned upside down.. doing anything and everything I could to get my next fix. Then once I did, it would start all over again... that cycle of chasing the dragon. I wasted 6 years of my life to a substance. SIX YEARS I will never get back, six years of putting my body, mind, and soul through hell on earth. My story has a positive ending that not many addicts receive.. I entered rehab on January 13th of this year. My withdrawal was one of the worst the nurses and staff had seen, even with detox medication. I had seizures, did not sleep for 6 days, was on a liquid diet for 2 weeks. I was told by the nurses that I was probably about a month away from death due to potency and amount of fentanyl I was using. I thank God for helping me see the light and breakthrough the darkness. The emptiness that was once inside me.. is now filled, the soul that was once gone from my body.. is now back and I can feel emotions, good and bad. I’d rather feel it all than feel numbness or nothing at all. I now have 36 days sober. I take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. I now can say I know the meaning of true serenity. I may have screwed up and lost those 6 years to drugs but I now have a story to help save others. My journey is a battle, no longer a struggle. I am a warrior and I WILL win this war. -Devon, a recovering addict 💜

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