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Iâve been very troubled by my own song. I wasnât able to properly defend it, to take up this fight. This song encloses pieces of myself that I wasnât anymore, that I didn't want to rehash.
Iâm still very happy and lucky to have been able to release it. It allowed me to move forward. But the words felt out of tune, and the song title was too much for me to handle.
âHiroshimaâ is the atomic nucleus of a relationship that made a clean sweep in my life. I wrote it right in the middle of this mental manipulation and the words that I used were to express this state of mind, which in hindsight, Iâm not living in anymore.
When I wrote it, I couldnât take a step back on what I was going through, first signs were already appearing but I was talking about it with barely anyone. I was caught in the grips of violence, control, unreasonable and insane fights that I do not wish on anyone.
My only goal is to remind you that love is NOT about insults, belittling, manipulation, silence, big egos, or that everything is to be rewarded, like training an animal.
Constantly justifying yourself to the point of loosing your mind.
Itâs the TOTAL opposite.
And sometimes you think youâre guilty of all of that, because the ânarcissistic pervertâ masters the art of guilt tripping. I discovered this word with this relationship.
I was searching the internet, before that, I thought it was only a lifestyle magazine thing, I donât like to label people, so I was totally misunderstood for too long.
Until someone loved me again, in a healthy way.
Narcissistic perversion, can only truly be understood when youâre put through it. It can come from a parent, a work relationship, especially when youâre a young women, in the music industry, Iâm not telling you anything new.
I managed to get out of this vortex with the help of a friend,
@yseultofficiel, who I salute and hug.
Making of by Abricot Doré.
FRANĂAIS :
Jâai Ă©tĂ© trĂšs troublĂ©e par ma propre chanson. Je nâai pas rĂ©ussi Ă correctement la dĂ©fendre, Ă monter au front. Cette chanson renfermait des bouts de moi que je nâĂ©tais plus et que je ne voulais pas ressasser.
Je suis quand mĂȘme trĂšs heureuse et chanceuse dâavoir pu la sortir. Elle mâa permis dâavancer. Mais les mots ne sonnaient plus justes et son nom Ă©tait comme trop gros.
âHiroshimaâ est le noyau atomique de cette histoire qui a fait table rase dans ma vie. Je lâai Ă©crite au beau milieu de cette emprise mentale et les mots que jâai utilisĂ© marquent cet Ă©tat dâĂąme que je contesterais maintenant avec du recul.
Quand je lâai Ă©crite, je nâavais pas encore de recul sur ce que jâĂ©tais en train de vivre, les premiers signes se manifestaient mais je nâen parlais Ă personne ou presque. JâĂ©tais prise dans cet engrenage de violence, de contrĂŽle, de disputes dĂ©mesurĂ©es et malsaines que je ne souhaite Ă personne.
Mon seul souhait, câest de vous remĂ©morer que lâamour ce nâest PAS des insultes, du rabaissement, de la manipulation, du mutisme, des comptes Ă rendre, une fiertĂ© surdimensionnĂ©e et quâil faut toujours mĂ©riter les choses comme un animal quâon essaye de dresser. Des justifications Ă donner Ă en perdre la raison et le sens.
Câest TOUT le contraire
Et parfois vous pensez ĂȘtre coupable, de tout ça, car "le pervers narcissique" maitrise cet art de la culpabilitĂ©. Jâai dĂ©couvert ce mot en ayant vĂ©cu cette histoire.
En regardant sur internet. Avant je pensais que câĂ©tait un truc de magazine fĂ©minin, je nâaime pas coller des Ă©tiquettes sur les gens, donc je suis restĂ©e dans lâincomprĂ©hension totale, trop longtemps.
JusquâĂ ce quâon mâaime de nouveau, sainement.
La perversion narcissique, on peut la comprendre seulement quand on lâa vĂ©cu. Elle peut venir dâun parent ou dâune relation de travail, surtout quand on est une jeune femme, dans la musique par exemple, je ne vous apprends rien.
Jâai rĂ©ussi Ă partir de ce tourbillon avec lâaide dâune amie,
@yseultofficiel que je salue et serre trĂšs fort.
Making-of realisé par Abricot Doré.
@ClaireLaffut
2 years ago
English translation : Iâve been very troubled by my own song. I wasnât able to properly defend it, to take up this fight. This song encloses pieces of myself that I wasnât anymore, that I didn't want to rehash. Iâm still very happy and lucky to have been able to release it. It allowed me to move forward. But the words felt out of tune, and the song title was too much for me to handle. âHiroshimaâ is the atomic nucleus of a relationship that made a clean sweep in my life. I wrote it right in the middle of this mental manipulation and the words that I used were to express this state of mind, which in hindsight, Iâm not living in anymore. When I wrote it, I couldnât take a step back on what I was going through, first signs were already appearing but I was talking about it with barely anyone. I was caught in the grips of violence, control, unreasonable and insane fights that I do not wish on anyone. My only goal is to remind you that love is NOT about insults, belittling, manipulation, silence, big egos, or that everything is to be rewarded, like training an animal. Constantly justifying yourself to the point of loosing your mind. Itâs the TOTAL opposite. And sometimes you think youâre guilty of all of that, because the ânarcissistic pervertâ masters the art of guilt tripping. I discovered this word with this relationship. I was searching the internet, before that, I thought it was only a lifestyle magazine thing, I donât like to label people, so I was totally misunderstood for too long. Until someone loved me again, in a healthy way. Narcissistic perversion, can only truly be understood when youâre put through it. It can come from a parent, a work relationship, especially when youâre a young women, in the music industry, Iâm not telling you anything new. I managed to get out of this vortex with the help of a friend, Yseult, who I salute and hug. Making of by Abricot DorĂ©.
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