@starryknight565

4 years ago

Lying still, I think back to when she had first fallen. Even then, she was soft. At times, if I closed my eyes I could almost see a different life, a different circumstance in which I could have held her close like I did in that time. Wishful thinking from lifetimes ago.... She was barely conscious, feeble from the fall and pain of her missing wings. Her arms were draped across my shoulder and neck, and I tried not to show how it affected me. Even now, she was still as beautiful as the day we met. In contrast to my own appearance, at least. Charred skin that matched with blackened armor, hair that was brittle and coarse. Looking back, I'm not even sure she knew who I was. Perhaps I was a chivalrous dark knight in her eyes, conjured from the depths of her despair to aid her in her time of need, rather than an old friend who was but a shadow of his former self. It would explain many things. Throughout her flickering consciousness, I made it my priority to be very aware of her ever-changing state. Every few minutes, I found myself mentally going over a growing list. Her favorite dress was in tatters, yet her hair remained unmussed. Her hairpin marking her status remained pristine and glowing, to my great interest. One would think that it would've fallen apart soon after the loss of the wings, but I resolved to ask her only after she woke on her own. The already closed wounds on her back left no markings of her loss other than smearing of now red blood. Her skin was cold as ice, and I desperately wished I had something to wrap her in. If my own armor could have retained heat, I would have given them up in a heartbeat, demons or no. Her face against mine, however, was burning with fever. I would have to amend that soon, else she succumb to sickness before she returned to safety. Step after step, I tried to ignore the heavy chains that reminded me of my limits with every clank against the jagged path. How I resented these chains, if only for the reason that I could not assure her safety to completion. I could only get her as far away from here as the chains would allow before I had to let her go. Hopefully she would regain her bearings enough to be able to return without incident. She did, and though she was flustered and a little wary (a little late, after blindly trusting me to carry you before, I remember thinking. Silly girl.) I gave her a drink from my canteen, and used the rest of my water to clean the blood off her back. We ( I ) decided that she was to continue to be carried by me due to her lack of both shoes and wings, and she reluctantly agreed. We made it to the outskirts of the nearest village before I felt a sharp tug on my leg. The chain pulled taut, and my heart sank. This was the end. She fluttered and fretted around me, but eventually understood that there was nothing that could be done. I gave her a bag of coins, told her who to find. Look for a man with forest green eyes and pewter skin, I told her. He can help you. She nodded and hummed, looking everywhere but my eyes. That was fine, it only made this easier. That's what I told myself. I was wrong. It only made it worse, because had I looked closer I would have seen glossy eyes set to snap my resolve. I would have seen reservation giving way to determination, and known to back away. I would have known, and her arms around me would not have been such a surprise. Thin, yet holding on with a surety that reminded me of a girl in a sun hat on a beach far away. A sense of gratitude seemed to transfer straight from her heart to mine, and I felt my heartbeat stutter at the enormity of it. Even to me, a complete stranger, she could feel so strongly towards. Suddenly my emotions surged, and my arms moved of their own accord, wrapping tightly around her. She stiffened, but soon relaxed, even rubbing circles into my back. I almost laughed, but it came out instead as a choked sob and I recoiled internally. I then quickly noticed my shaking shoulders and damp cheeks. I was mortified, but that was quickly pushed aside when she started to sing softly. I had never heard this particular song before, but just the chance to hear her sing again quieted my panicked heart. I willed myself to be still, taking deep and slow breaths in attempt to not disturb her. I was determined to drink in every single note, knowing I would never have the chance to hear her again. When my breathing had fully calmed, she brought her song to a close. I was tempted to break into tears again, or feign distress, just to get her to continue. To have her stay. Sometimes I wonder what would've happened if I did. But I didn't. I couldn't. She had to go. Her place would never be with me. At least, not anymore. So I reluctantly pulled away, and tried not to be hurt at how quickly she dropped her arms. I'm fine, I told her. She didn't look like she believed me, but she didn't press it. She took a step back. "Goodbye." She said. "Goodbye." I said. She turned around, and walked away. She took a few steps, and looked back. I met my eyes with hers this time, and I almost broke. I almost blurted everything out right there, anything to get her to remember me, acknowledge me. But I didn't. I couldn't. So I smiled. She smiled back. And she turned around, and walked into town. I watched her disappear, and then walked away, beginning my journey back home. I never saw her again.

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