@tonyinuk

11 months ago

This song got me through a really rough time in my marriage. In 2010 we split up. At the time my wife was on holiday at her family where she grew up in Brazil. She didn't respond to me after an argument. I never heard from her for a month. I lost my appetite. I was really lost. I somehow came across this song. It was perfect for that period. I listened to it a lot. One day the phone rang. It was my self imposed exiled wife. She wanted me to buy her a ticket to come home. I didn't get angry, and just said okay. I consciously try my best to let go of the past, to move on and learn spiritually. But when I hear this song, the emotions from that time come back. You can let go, and forgive, but some where deep in your heart, there are scars (unresolved trauma) but we all have some trauma, and I embrace it, because life has many experiences, and you got to take the good with the bad. Or you can't grow as much spiritually. I like this song, because it reminds me of the pain, and to never give up. But deep down inside (intellectually) I wonder now and again whether it was the smart thing to bring her home. Perhaps I should I should have moved on. It damaged my feelings for her. Something that never seemed to come back. Something was lost between us during that month. Too much sadness, and sense of loss, and confusion, caused me to let go of my love for her. It was too painful to embrace in that constant state. Sad I know. We have been married now for over 15 years. I quietly look back, and wonder. If I had a back bone, I would have told that b'tch to go and jump. Sorry (unresolved anger is obviously there too) Another lesson for anyone out there thinking of having a break form the relationship (so they can cheat without feeling guilty) is be careful. You may come back to a less warm less tender relationship. I secretly never believed in love again. I believe I'm just useful as a backstop for her emotional wellbeing. Inside I am deeply lonely, and sad, and feel so worthless. But I know that I am a very good person to be in a relationship with. I'm very kind, caring, affectionate, generous, and do many many things to make her life as enjoyable as possible. So, life goes on. But secretly I think to myself; boy did I get a bad deal!

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