@xbox_bro1224

1 month ago

After a good morning we all go dirt bike riding in the desert we hit jumps. I land on my he decides to do the same. He hits a rock bounces as he keeps going up. Rolls the quad. Thinks he’s knocked out. We all run over. He isn’t breathing and no pulse. My dad (veteran) begins chest compression with our family friend I’m praying with my mother. An hour goes by and they finally show up. The fire station was 15 minutes away. We get to the hospital it’s a miracle they got his heart working. But he is unresponsive. He wasn’t breathing on his own at first. They didn’t have the right equipment nor the right doctor to do surgery on his brain ( internal bleeding ). Move him to a different hospital an hour and a half away. he died 3 times on the way. The hospital kept him alive. We get there shortly after doctor comes in and say nothing at first. And we cry we have been crying. He says I want to be honest but it’s a delicate situation. He says even is he wakes up and the surgery is successful there is permeant damage and won’t be the same. But he also said the he doesn’t want to beat around the bush. He said he most likely not going to make it he said I’d be a miracle. We already had three before. I’m with him the whole time. I pass out. And wake up to my mom crying. I ask what happened. She says it’s time for him to go I cry. And after hearing that steady beep for so long the silence killed me. That was the last time I truly cried. His name was William Cole D’Acquisto. We called him Cole. He was a shit head at times but the last year he was the best brother I could ever ask for. He was 12 and died on Jan first 2023. We hugged right before we left for that trip. He said he loved me and he didn’t usually say that. We had a long conversation about how quads are more dangerous he died on a quad. He said he would die young when he was six he died young. After he died I made promises to my self. One of the was to not use his death as an excuse for anything. And one time. My class had a “wellness” check kind of thing. And we sat in a circle and talked about our opinions and where we stand on topics. Abortion came up. I said all life matters because I just lost my little brother 2 months ago. I couldn’t defend myself or explain. And I was too shocked on why they all started yelling at me. I wanted to tell the to go fuck themselves and think y I said that. But I didn’t I could have destroyed all of their lives and I didn’t I could have destroyed my counselors life ( who screwed me over when transferring schools ). But I didn’t I sat there think no don’t do. Your feeling don’t matter. You know what it’s like to have your whole world rocked. Don’t snap. All of my voices was screaming at me to do some thing. To fight. To destroy. But one said no you made a promise let’s not break it now. And now I don’t feel any thing anymore I have completely forgotten what it means to be truly happy I’m severely suicidal and depressed. I help a friend not kill themselves. I’m running on pure will. But it’s fine. Cause I can still laugh. And once that’s gone my will might quiver a little. And you know I’m a really smart kid like. Really fucking smart. And I’m just so unmotivated that I just some time don’t want to play video games even when I like the game and my friends are playing it. I’m just lonely right now. And I hate being alone. And I recently moved to a decent sized town. And everyone knows everyone so it’s really hard to get a gf when everyone is already taken. Like damn. But still just ranting at this point so that’s been my life for the last 1 and a half ish years.

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