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Date of upload: Apr 18, 2024 ^^
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YouTube Comments - 146 Comments
Top Comments of this video!! :3
The worst is seeking clarity and then being punished for it.
36 |
Exactly. I was crying earlier becauseā¦my roommate was being quiet and cleaning. I felt like I should get up and help. I became overwhelmed and anxious and started crying.
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Like with kids . Don't say clean your room. Write a list showing what you want done . Learnt that with my kids.
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this is why when I worked in an office, the idea that I should ātake initiativeā (meaning do tasks I wasnāt told to do) was not only terrifying, but next to impossible. How am I supposed to work on tasks that were never laid out for me? My boss wanted me to notice something needed doing, and take initiative. But what if the papers I noticed and cleaned up turn out to be some super important documents? Please just tell me what Iām supposed to do!!
I got less work done because iād just freeze in fear trying to figure out what was expected of me
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This is a great example of accommodations that i feel would improve things for neurotypical people as well as neurodivergent. As someone with ADHD, having clear expectations spelled out really helps me make sure I focus on the right things, but i know when I've worked in environments where the expectations and priorities are all clearly expressed, ALL of my coworkers had an easier time actually getting stuff done, rather than spending time figuring out exactly what was expected.
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I assume everyone has the same expectations as meā¦ā¦ and I fail
17 |
The analogy I like to use is that most people get a script, and we get little glimpses at it from peeking over their shoulders, but we don't get a complete look and have to guess at when that part of the script comes up.
23 |
It leads to weird version of something that can manifest like codependency. That thing of trying to people please, while guessing all the time. Which can lead to having absolutely no idea what you yourself would want or need, if you asked yourself that question. So you ignore your own needs and get burnt out.
15 |
Better yet I go out of my way to put myself in a situation where no one expects anything of me at all so the pressure is gone lol
19 |
So trueā¦and then, I always ended up doing way, way, way too much.
Thank you
23 |
Another layer to this is the trauma that occurs when situations where expectations werenāt clear, or were clear but couldnāt be met, led to conflict or negative consequences.
For me personally, I immediately think of workplace scenarios and how even though I have finally found a job that I really love with a good team and a solid environment, I am constantly having to reassure myself that everyone isnāt expecting more/other from me than what I have been told, and Iām not going to get pulled aside by my boss tomorrow and fired because I was not meeting those expectations that I canāt predict. This is because Iāve had multiple work situations in which I was unexpectedly fired for unknown reasons. Iāve had other situations that I knew there was friction that I thought was being resolved, but then I got fired instead (that was a scapegoating situation, but still a blow that added to the āwhat am I missing?ā trauma pile). Iāve had one situation where the expectation was made perfectly clear with reasonable timelines (āYouāve been late too many times, you get one more month of probation but if youāre late even once, youāre goneā) In that situation, even though I made what is for me a HUGE amount of progress and improvement, I still didnāt meet that expectation and I was fired for being late one time.
So now I struggle on a daily basis to try to trust that this wonāt be the day that the rug gets pulled out from under me at this place Iāve been firmly settled for two years.
5 |
Omg yes! I don't know how many times I've thought why didn't they just ask me that to start with and I would have just done it! It's incredibly frustrating
15 |
I really appreciate this specific advise as an (lately awakened) autist. I always struggled with that in terms of certain tasks. Like in school / work I wanted to overdo things. I had learned that I'm loved and respected, if I'm impressing them all. I really loved doing things, because I was driven by imagining applause. So it led my inner critic to push and push me over the edge until I'm not able to complete the task, because it's too huge and unrealistic, but I need to do it that way, otherwise I'm not impressing anyone - not loveable at all, concerning the style of education my parents had.
Plus, I recently found out, that I do not only want to impress others, but also myself and I'm afraid of starting tasks that I set up for myself, because I might fail.
This is a pretty deep topic and you hit it on point. Thank you so much!
I believe, this thing is part of a Reparenting Progress as an adult and it's important to set oneself free from that pressure.
13 |
I just started a new job after 7 years at my previous one. I was Dxed during those 7 years (ADHD 20 yrs ago). I am making a concerted effort to make my boss and colleagues to clearly set expectations and am getting better at not being afraid of telling them I need more info etc.. thank you Taylor for raising this issue. š
26 |
I don't know what people want from me! I wish people would just tell me!
16 |
I had this problem in Catholic School for adults to officially join the church. I was told to ask questions, don't take the word at face value, we love a challenge they say. So each week we got leaflets and papers and i hyperfocused all week long and had lots of questions (which as a teen into adulthood i stayed away from religion because i answered my own questions and didnt like the answers). Anyhow after about a month the facilitator took me aside and told me i wasn't ready because i was so challenging and asked such detailed questions. I went to this church 3 years before i agreed to commit so i was devastated. Next week mask went , no more questions and was told it was nice my attitude changed for the better.
5 |
You do a great job of putting into words what I've often felt but didn't quite know how to explain. This rings very true for me.
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Yes, I do a lot better when people tell me about things that they are going on through. I constantly think about things they could be doing. I want them to freely Express things as I have more anxiety when they show an emotion ,hide it, act like things are okay. and blow up later .ā¤
8 |
Honestlyyy. Especially when some people get annoyed when you ask for clarification. š
I quit my job yesterday because this became such an issue, I've gotten so stressed and burnt out from it I've been having chest pain for like a week.
2 |
@lb5368
2 months ago
This is so true! If I am given clearly-defined expectations for a task, I will thrive and be outstanding at almost anything I'm asked to complete! But if there's any ambiguity about the work I'm expected to do, I will probably never even begin!
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