@amezfires9247

7 months ago

I'm feeling exposed & seen for the 1st time. FUCK YEAH 🤘🤘 I broke the spell at the beginning of February, when my aunt died of breast cancer. My mom's 5 yr anniversary of her death was 12/26/23 - cancer, & it was her sister who died. I knew someone was going to attack me around the time/day of her services & burial, not physically, & I knew it was 1 of 3 (sisters, shocker). She, on the other hand, wasn't prepared for me & how easy it was for me. I don't miss them, & I don't care about their petty bullshit. Those people aren't my concern bc I literally can't help them if I wanted to, & I have no desire to share space w/ them or give any amount of my energy to even text them. I fixed my shit, anhilated the barrier, & have enjoyed & preferred my own company ever since. I don't even respond to anything when I'm the recipient of a toddler tantrum via my husband. It's undeserving of my attention or focus, nor am I the problem or the one who is tasked with finding the answer. There's too much out there to discover & explore, & people who want to be there by my side & adding there energy to enhance the experience w/o being questioned or opposed at every turn. Oddly enough, he's been actively avoiding me bc he's afraid to come at me with his usual interrogation techniques bc I will immediately end it w/o hesitation. I'm no longer wavering in my resolve, 2nd guessing myself, & I'm not afraid of doing it on my own & I won't wait to immediately experience whatever crosses my path, waiting & hoping for him to realize the truth of himself & what he had & threw away. I've done everything I could do, but I can't continue being the only one putting in the genuinely hard work, only to be told I'm doing things that I'm most certainly not doing/saying, & then he demands that I be held accountable for the accusation - the deflections of his own ugly truths he's too afraid of facing. There's nothing I can do for him, & I'm not going to stay just to serve as his proverbial punching bag - I'll return it tenfold. I'm good with wherever I'm heading, & I'm excited for whatever manifests along the way. ✌️ I'm going to celebrate by getting stoned like a gravel road, & 'meditate' in a matter of speaking - probably by walking our local nature trail & meandering off into the tree

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