@crybabykitty.

3 months ago

anyone wants explanation?? edit: OKAY TWO OF YALL WANT AN EXPLANATION SO HERE IT IS (from my notes) lately this month could be the worst month ever because at the start of march my friends started to leave me out... here's the story: i had a friend named natasha she was a great friend and i also had a friend named henry/gamer let's call him gamer first i decided to make a group chat with them then after playing for days and having a lot and a lot of fun i decided to add them on another app after that things started to change.. after making the group chat on the other app they have been talking without me and playing roblox without me which makes me really really sad and backstabbed because i thought we would all be happy together then things gotten worse.. they started liking each other which gave me extra stress and sadness all my happiness was evaporated they even asked me for game ideas to play right in front of my face without even inviting me this caused my depression for a long time.. soon natasha go hacked and they broke up natasha told me she wasn't comfortable around gamer and didn't want to be friends with him anymore that reduced some of my stressed but made me sad that i wouldn't have two of my favorite friends together again.. after that we started worrying about her mental health he started worrying about her more than me and talked less to me i wanted to show to him i felt left out but he was just too blind... i wish i could vent to someone about it cause words can hurt in some time of way.. i wish i had the courage to tell them both that.. now gamer is worrying about natasha and barley worrying about me even if i had been offline for the whole day and haven't talked to him he just wouldn't check on me like he did not natasha.. it's so obvious when someone try's to hurt you.. plus with some family problems it's been worse.. now i just wanna kill myself sometimes.. i can barley eat or eat too much.. it's either i sleep too much or sleep too less.. i cry under my blanket when no one is around and hold my mouth so no one can hear me.. just for the truth i can't let them go or kill myself cause i don't want anyone to feel depressed or sad.. natasha even faked her death cause she knows that i will send gamer and tell him about it.. i feel like she's the problem.. but i don't wanna let her go.. i wish i had someone who didn't treat me like this.. now all i do is listen to music go outside vent and tell about my feelings and just cry all day.. i don't know if i'll ever heal from all of this.. here are some things that are affecting me: sleeping too less, eating less or eating too much, poor concentration, headaches, suicidal thoughts, and more.. if i ever tell my parents about this they will just blame it on the computer or ipad thank you for reading.. 🫶🏻 part two: okay so basically i honestly think natasha (the friend in the first story) is a fake friend honestly. i think she is because when i joined her once she suddenly asked for adopt me pets and which was really weird cause she doesn't act this way usually.. also she asked for bloxburg money and i did ask why but she just said because she gave me a really good pet in a game called adopt me (in roblox) so if you don't know what that is it's just a game in roblox and i didn't give her the bloxburg money though but next time if she asks for something i'll probably say no to see her reaction and back to gamer (also a friend from the first story) she gave me a lot of advice and i'm starting to grow back my relationship with him (not dating relationship friend relationship) and it's going much easier now but i've been so tired of life lately it seems like no one cares on april 4th and more days i haven't even talked to him and no one cared.. on that day i barley played roblox cause i was so tired of life honestly.. what's the point of life..? it's just a routine that repeats everyday.. and i've been insecure about my weight and i've tried eating less but didn't work much.. tried chewing gum didn't work much either.. honestly i just wanna die it's so hard already at just 9 i'm tired i want to enjoy i'm tired of all this drama another thing is gamer introduced me to his girlfriend and i was kinda anxious i don't know why but i don't know if that is a sign of social anxiety and having that is really bad for me since i'm already really shy i'm not fully sure i have it but it's tiring.. like are you kidding me? why do i have to have fake friends and i'm tired of it honestly i'm too used to it now i'm used to have fake friends, being yelled at for no reason, being used, being bullied, being fat and more it's honestly nothing new i'm tired let me rest for once please.. i barley play roblox anymore because of all of this... please.. i just want this to change... part 3: now i'm mostly certain no one cares about me anymore even when my eyes are red i'm keeping my tears inside.. i don't want you to see them i don't want you to care, i don't want to go see me weak, you don't know my life, why do you care? now i'm mostly certain he doesn't care because.. ever since he introduced me to his girlfriend he kept reminding me of her. EVERY SINGLE DAY! and i felt that.. no one knew the truth.. no one will care, no one will know, and no one will see.. i- i can't anymore everything is going against me.. even these days i didn't do anything mostly... i don't enjoy things like i used too like roblox, talking with friends, talking to nickan(my cousin) there's just nothing good here anymore... when i say i'm crying he probably will say "oh my girlfriend is too i'm trying to comfort her" ... what..? i'm in a terrible mood and you remind me of her again... why? WHY? please why? you make me feel like i'm useless. i'm overthinking so much even when i'm on the car i cover myself with a jacket and cry. no one hears, no one sees the truth.. now i'm scared of everything and everyone... i feel so ugly and useless.. i'm wanna starve myself but i can't.. my parents force me to eat... i'm just here because i'm here... i'm useless honestly why you gotta treat me like that? i'm scared to make friends again since the trauma i've got through... i want to commit suicide so badly but.. i got wanna make anyone sad or depressed... well.. they wouldn't care anyways.. i'll be happy if i'm dead forever. just gone from the world.. will anyone care? no. will anyone know? no. will anyone cry? no. no one cares. it's just me all alone in the world... and i say "i'm okay" cause they wouldn't care anyway part 4: i am so so so SO sick of life already... even when i'm getting into a bad habit, almost killing myself, crying everyday, he would just remind me "oh my girlfriend stayed up at 3am with me, i told her to stop cause it was bad for her mental health" like why do i care? your just making the pain worst i got so tired today i just said "okay then just leave me alone" because he said "my girlfriend is gonna buy me some food all i need is her" stop. STOP. you know what i'm going through and you can't realize that that's wrong. and parents aswell.. even when i just complain a little bit they say "your crazy your out of control without devices" cant you realize im sick of life? cant you realize im crying in my room everyday? is it really that hard to realize im mentally drained? it's easy to make new friends! right..? but it's not easy to find real ones... roblox is so much pain... if i didn't meet them.. non of this would've happened... i can't tell anyone about it... i don't know if i'm blinded or not maybe i'm just being overdramatic and just overthinking everything... well.. i do overthink a lot. but honestly it's nothing new just a classic routine of my life where all i do is sit and cry. whoohoo! 🙁 first being left out, next finding out the issue part 5: well now i know he probably doesn't care and never will... all he talks about is his girlfriend and how amazing she is... i don't even have the guts to tell him how i feel sad... he called me stupid, annoying and said no one wants to be around me... it made me cry... i really loved him as a friend but now things had changed.... he barley plays with me anymore... society is so bad these days and i can barley trust him anymore... my brain says "keep being friends with him no matter when he says" and my heart says "if he's gonna treat you like that leave him you deserve better" i tried to suck it up but i just can't any longer im so tired of all of this i want him to leave me alone forever and give me peace for once

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