@brettgarcia8334

7 months ago

I do it while laying down getting ready to sleep, as well. It’s like a twisted form of soothing for me. It’s so weird. And when I finally thought to type it into the YouTube search bar and found so many videos on it like yours, it really helped me feel less alone in this. I’ve known or seen TONS of people who bite their nails with varying degrees of severity. But I’ve NEVER known or seen anyone in real life with what I suffer from AKA this. It’s so embarrassing and because I’ve never seen anyone in real life, it made me feel so alone & most importantly SO GROSS. I hate using my hands to pass off cash with a cashier/customer or give or receive change… that’s one of the number one things that give me SO MUCH anxiety because I feel those sorts of actions with a person makes them automatically zone into your hands/fingers from both sides of the encounter. I hate typing in my debit card number or typing anything on a touch screen in front of people because of the exposed feeling I get when they’re watching me. My best friend told me that while yes, if people are around me in real life, they do tend to notice my damaged fingers, BUT they’re not focusing in on them half as bad as I imagine they are. I guess it’s just the shame that makes me believe everyone is just intensely STARING at my hands/fingers. Her words made me feel a bit better, but it definitely didn’t stop me from still having so much anxiety and at this point full on PANIC because of the belief people are silently judging me. It’s kept me in the house, more and more throughout the years. I’ve noticed I have became more and more withdrawn and seclusive due to a lot of worsening mental health symptoms but this is one that really sticks out. My irrational belief that everyone is judging my hands has held me back from so much.

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