open dyslexic mode
This clip from the Psychobabble podcast resonated with me, particularly in light of the emails I've received from parents expressing their concerns about their children's behavior and mood deterioration when they tried what they believed were "compassionate" parenting approaches. A theme amongst these families is that their children's behavior worsened, and some experienced a sharp rise in anxiety.
This concern is particularly prevalent among parents who engage with social media content that promotes connection and empathy over essential parenting skills. It is not specific to those who follow (the loosely defined term) "Gentle Parenting." While fostering a nurturing environment is vital, it's equally important for parents to assert their authority in ways that benefit their children.
"Parental Empathy Dysregulation" manifests when parents misinterpret empathy as treating their child as an equal partner in parenting while simultaneously engaging in parental accommodation. While this approach can foster feelings of connection, it may not always serve the child's best interests.
For children, especially those with ADHD, having clear relationships defined by limits and boundaries is crucial. What I teach parents is that children with ADHD can thrive when they experience "high empathy combined with high expectations."
Children with ADHD are often incredibly caring and empathetic. Yet, they may need guidance in understanding how their actions and words affect others. Remember that all relationships require a degree of reciprocity, which can be overshadowed by the belief that "empathy and feelings take precedence over everything." This mindset can make it challenging for children to navigate social interactions, as their peers may struggle to appreciate their great attributes if they don't learn to consider the needs of others.
By supporting our children in developing empathy and an understanding of boundaries, we can help them thrive in their relationships and feel more confident in who they are. Let's ensure our approach to parenting fosters both compassion and the necessary skills to navigate the world around them.
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Ryan is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified School Social Worker, and father to a son with ADHD & learning differences. ADHD Dude is based in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
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@ravenforager8573
7 months ago
As a child that had temper tantrums. Teaching me how to regulate during dysregulation would have benefited. Dad was strict. Mom was a pushover. But none of that matters if I am not being taught the skills to move through those emotions. My Dad focused on physical activity and schedules routines. Lots of sleep and good nutrition. Though he was strict these other characteristics of his parenting style assisted me. However to this day I need to focus on building the skills of just breathing. I think tapping and touch sensations can also be helpful. Weighted blankets and sensory deprivation in heightened emotional moments are all strategies. But the best strategy of all is balancing the environment. And that is my two cents to as a 39 year old adhd diagnosed one year ago. It is no wonder I struggled and masked so much.
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