@woutermoerman2000

1 month ago

Okay fuck it, it is 3 am over here and I'm tired of shit. This video encapsulates a very specific year in my life, that being from late 2022 till last February. I feel like typing this out cuz my tired ass can't go to sleep anyway. So in September of 2022 I started this internship at this government office as part of my bachelor program. And the first few weeks were rough as hell. Everyone around me were well over 40 and no really bothered to give a damn about this random ass student. One day however, there was this orientation/excursion around the building for all the interns and students that started after summer. During that excursion I met this girl, let's call her Lisa. Lisa was also in the middle of her bachelors and attended the same uni as me. We hit it off super well, and in the span of 2 weeks instead of being super bummed about the internship, I was looking forward to going and working there. Lisa started opening up a lot more, and so did I. And as time progressed, hanging out became a lot more intimate and the things we talked about were getting more philosophical and meaningful. At around November I developed a bit of a crush on her, and by December I asked her out. Unfortunately the feeling was not mutual and that was totally okay. We still talked just as much afterwards and things weren't awkward in the slightest. I felt peace with the relationship we had and knew that sooner or later I would come to terms with the feelings I had. Soon afterwards however, in early January my life shifted quite drastically as I found myself flying out to Canada to study there for a semester. I knew this was coming, hence I asked her out before January. What I wasn't expecting though, was the absolute hell of a semester I would have. I have never worked harder in my life to get the grades I wanted. And as a byproduct, mentally I was not at all processing my feelings for Lisa. So when I returned and started interacting with her the feeling were still there. But things had changed. I felt a lot more negative emotions welling up inside of myself and there would be days where I would just be mentally exhausted. Now at the time, Lisa's dad unfortunately passed away and as a result she needed friends and family to rely on. So I kept the feelings within myself, not expressing them and fearing what would happen if I shared them. These few months were painful. Eventually I fessed up, and she started crying. Crying because I expressed how mentally drained I was and how I needed some space to process things properly. She couldn't give me that. Now, and this is where this video reminded me of, was the absolute amount of advice I got from friends to break it off. That staying friends was not worth it, and that your happiness should sometimes be more important than someone else's. It's now been a few months since I cut the relationship short (which took a lot of effort) and I've made peace with myself about how everything played out. I'm sure I have went over every conversation at least 100 times and I still don't understand everything. But that's alright. My friends were right. It wasn't worth it. Yo if you have somehow made it this far, I appreciate it. Mental states at 3 am are interesting hahaha

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