@Drstephanieliu

2 years ago

When I became a new mom, I had a few friends and family members make comments that were meant to be well-meaning but were hurtful to me. These are some of the comments that I think should be avoided:

🛑 “You look tired” - I was more tired postpartum than I had ever been as a medical resident. I knew I was exhausted, but having others tell me that I looked exhausted made me feel even worse. It would have been kinder to hear “Can I help you and watch the baby for a few hours?”

🛑 “You’re a bad mom if you are not breastfeeding” - Although I did not hear this exact statement I remember feeling like a failure because I was struggling with breastfeeding. I had difficulty getting my daughter to latch and felt that breast milk is the best form of nutrition and that I would be giving her the best opportunity to grow healthy if I was able to breastfeed. I would have preferred to hear “I can see how hard you are trying to breastfeed, let us connect you with a lactation consultant. If you aren’t able to breastfeed, formula is another safe and healthy option.”

🛑 “When I had a baby...” - Unsolicited advice comes from a good place but it can be annoying! In most cases, I would have preferred if I didn’t get advice unless I asked for it.

🛑 “How much weight did you gain during pregnancy?” - I remember feeling very insecure about my body postpartum. I gained 60 pounds during my pregnancy and felt pressure to “bounce back.” When I was asked this I  felt even more pressure to return to my pre-pregnancy weight. After speaking to a friend and colleague I realized that it was most important to prioritize emotional and physical health over body shape. Now with my postpartum patients I tell them to be kind to themselves and listen to their own needs and pace themselves.

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