Guest art by ‪@TykitFleine‬
Heavy from Team Fortress 2 stumbling into the Mojave Wasteland is already a sight to behold, but watching him attempt lockpicking with his massive hands would be downright hysterical. Picture him squatting in front of a locked Sunset Sarsaparilla vending machine in Goodsprings, furrowing his thick brows in frustration as he tries to use a Bobby Pin and a Caravan Shotgun barrel as makeshift tools. His fingers, like sausages wrestling against the delicate mechanism, would cause more damage than progress. Of course, with his sheer size and booming voice, he'd growl out something like, "This is baby toy! Why not just shoot lock?" before promptly pulling out a Minigun (or rather, a Fat Man he picked up in Black Mountain) and obliterating the poor vending machine. The image of Victor the robot rolling by, blurting a cheerful “Howdy, partner!” as Heavy’s method leaves debris scattered everywhere, is pure comedy gold.

When it comes to doors, Heavy would likely scoff at the idea of picking locks entirely. Trying to access the Brotherhood of Steel bunker at Hidden Valley? Why waste time fiddling with a lock when he could just grab the door with both hands and rip it clean off its hinges? The Wasteland’s inhabitants would marvel at his strength, likely assuming he’d consumed every Buffout*, *Steady*, and *Psycho in the region. His brute force approach would be especially satisfying in places like the REPCONN Test Site or the Sierra Madre Casino, where unyielding doors usually spell frustration for the Courier. Imagine him smashing through an old, rusted vault door while Vera Keyes’ haunting "Begin Again" plays on a nearby radio. The phrase "strength check passed" would become his mantra, as he bellows, "Heavy does not sneak! Heavy charges!"

Of course, Heavy’s methods would have unintended consequences. In a place like Freeside, a delicate approach to gaining access to Mick & Ralph’s back room for some special inventory would be tossed out the window. Instead of picking the lock, Heavy would likely demolish the door, drawing the ire of the nearby Kings gang, who’d probably send their Elvis-impersonating members to confront him. But even the Radscorpions in Sloan would think twice about tangling with a man who treats locked objects like paper-mâché. Whether wandering the crimson sands listening to "Big Iron" on Radio New Vegas or smashing down a terminal at Camp McCarran because he doesn’t understand how to hack, Heavy would redefine what it means to survive in *Fallout: New Vegas*. Perhaps he’d even find a kindred spirit in the Super Mutants of Jacobstown—though even Marcus might find Heavy’s lock-breaking antics a bit excessive.

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