open dyslexic mode

#rootcauses #powerfulquestions #cbt #coachtips
Where It Hurts vs. What’s Causing It—A Root-Cause Playbook for Coaches


Where does it hurt versus what is the source? Many times when you work with a client, they're gonna talk to you about their problems. They're gonna talk to you about what's. Hurting them where their pain lies. And it's good to know where it hurts. So you should be asking them what's the problem? You know, what's upsetting you?
Uh, where's the barrier? You know, you can get into that and they should share it where it hurts with you, just like a doctor would ask you. But there's a big difference. There's a big distinction between. Pain and source. Give an example. My wife went in for emergency surgery last week and they took her gallbladder out.
Pretty big deal for the whole family, but in the week prior to that, she started having pain and the pain was. All over the place. It was in her back. It was in her lower abdomen. I mean, it was like lots of different locations. And so you know me as Mr. Helpful, I was like, well, hey, you need to do a bowel cleanse.
You need to do this, you need to do this. You know, let's give you a massage and all these different things. Because I was paying attention stupidly to where it hurt, not what is the source. And so the doctor says, Hey, take her in for a scan. The scan reveals, oh, you got a disease, gallbladder, you got stones everywhere.
You got a problem. We need to get that out ASAP or your life is on the line. So big difference as an amateur, just paying attention to symptoms, just paying attention to pain. Just pay paying attention to the location of where it hurts versus a real doctor paying attention to what is the source. So coming back to coaching, your client can talk to you all day about what hurts, where it hurts, what the problem is, et cetera, but then your job.
Is to start asking the question. Once that's clarified, and once you honor and appreciate their pain, because that's rapport, right? Hey, what is the source of that? What is that, the source of that issue? What is it the source of why you're feeling that way? Now, by the way, they may not be able to answer that question fully.
They might struggle because they're so, they're just paying attention to where it. Hey, I just want the pain to go away. That's where you and your skills as a coach come in, where you start to diagnose, you start to investigate. You become a good detective, and that detective process and the success rate of that detective process where you can actually get to what the source of why that pain is happening, what, what is really causing, what is the domino effect that is creating that issue.
That's where the value is. In the coaching that you provide, not just holding their hand, not just empathizing with your client about their symptoms better than nothing, but that does not cause transformation, like discovering the source causes transformation.


When working with clients, it is crucial to discern between their problems and the underlying sources. Often, clients will come to you with a narrative about what's bothering them. They'll share their pain points—the barriers and discomfort they face. It's essential to listen and understand where it hurts. This is the beginning of building rapport and trust, allowing clients to feel heard and understood, much like a patient sharing symptoms with a doctor.

A critical skill in coaching is distinguishing between the expression of pain (the symptoms) and its actual source. Consider this analogy: my wife recently underwent emergency surgery to have her gallbladder removed. Before this, she experienced pain in multiple areas—her back, her lower abdomen, essentially scattered throughout her body. My initial reaction, like many well-meaning individuals, was to address the pain where it occurred. Suggestions ranged from doing a bowel cleanse to getting a massage, all aimed at alleviating the symptoms.

However, the breakthrough came when the medical professionals focused on the source, not just the symptoms. A scan revealed a diseased gallbladder with stones, significantly threatening her health if not addressed immediately. This situation exemplifies the crucial difference between being an amateur focused on symptoms and a professional zeroing in on the underlying source.

In coaching, clients will often direct your attention to their 'pain'—what they perceive as the problem. However, the transformation lies in shifting focus from merely acknowledging their pain to probing deeper questions: What is the source of this pain? Why do you feel this way?