@Flat_Fluffy_Bread

2 weeks ago

50 likes on this comment for part 2 of my story!
(i have school in the morning which is why i cant finish the comment now... BUT I REALLY WANT TOO)

This video made me cry😢 when i was 9 almost said i hate myself when i promised myself I'd never do that, i thought everything was my fault, everyone said there was something wrong with me, they said i was annoying, they said I wouldn't pay attention. Sometimes people would always ask why im crying in the middle of class or in the lunch line, "i dont know", i would always say i didnt know cuz 9yo me really didnt know what it was, i didnt know why i was crying at random times, didnt know why i did the things i did. At 10yo, i became really quiet, kind, respectful, and..*quiet**...**just like the other kids.* Between 3 or 4 to 6 or 7, i was a kid that really liked to talk, everyone thought i was being really funny and cute, and i was happy about that! But...I would think "i dont know what happend.." everytime someone asked me or say.
Teacher: "why are so quiet in class?"
Student: "look! Look! Look! She's finally raising her hand!!!"
Mom: "So none of your friends are in your class?"

One time my teacher even screamed bc i anwaered ONE question, cuz and ever since the first of school ive been really quiet, they even made a name for it "(my name)'s day" Wednesday Nov 14, i mean, yes i was proud and i was actually happy for once...but that was just for the rest of the week

Why i was so quiet and not just just bc of adhd masking
______________________________________
So when i was 9 or 8, i was doing my homework with my mom, i alwaysed asked her questions whenever i didnt understand something, that way i can keep up with my work, just like she told me to. So when i was asking her a question for the 2 or 3 time, she tells me "be quiet and just LISTEN so you can understand!😡😮‍💨"

"But thats why im asking the question, so i can understa-"
(I tried saying that really quietly and sofly so she didn't think i was trying to argue)

"Are you to argue me?"
"N-no! I-"
(I also that really quietly)
"So you should listen ok?? I dont have to keep saying this"

She finishes reading the story thing on the homework and then she asked me if i understand EVERYTHING, i kept forgetting what she said every 3 to 5 seconds, but i said i understood anyways cuz my dad was also in the livingroom, and i was scared of getting yelled at or wooped. Then i cried bc i didnt like lying
"Why are you crying? Im just trying do wants right for you, ok?" only tried even more.

Ever since then, that "be quiet and listen" thing, its just been ingraved in my brain. Now, its been there for so long its really hard to make friends, i barely ask ANY questions in class, i only ever talk to ppl when im comfortable, i have really bad anxiety, i had my first anxiety attack over a pack of tissues that a boy stole form me, i REALLY REALLLLYYYY hated this boy, wanted to through a chair or a desk at

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